Marriage Counseling – San Luis Obispo, CA

Call for a FREE phone consult!

1(559) 222-2442

Tandem or Solo…Safe or Sorry?

For those of you who know us, you may have noticed some of the not-so-subtle differences in the way we roll.

On the tandem I prefer the gentle rolling hills which nurture and calm my spirit; Michael goes after the big climb in anticipation of the exhilarating decent at 40+ mile-per-hour speeds. Both of our hearts race as adrenaline surges through our bodies. I feel his emotional ecstasy and he feels my fear. Responsive to each others’ emotions, we make course corrections imperative to a mutually enjoyable experience.

Tandem-2Bcaptain-2Band-2BstokerWhen riding tandem, the “captain” is in the lead, making important decisions about steering, shifting gears, changing direction and braking. His decisions have the power to keep us safe or put us in harm’s way. The “stoker” sits behind, carefully listening to and obeying his commands. It is imperative that I trust my captain. There is no competition, rather synchronized teamwork. A successful tandem ride can only have one captain, and I have no need or desire to sit in that seat.

By taking the backseat following my captain’s lead, am I weak and without value? Absolutely not! We would never make it up the mountain if it weren’t for me pushing and supporting Michael’s efforts.

Most cyclists still prefer riding solo. Husbands and wives still choose to ride  side-by-side (or more commonly, one far ahead of the other). They each make their own decisions, go at their own speed, and feel the road in a different way.

Riding tandem is such a wonderful metaphor for marriage. We experience the most victorious outcomes when we are empathic to our spouse’s emotions, throw competition by the wayside, fully trust one another, have shared mission and vision, and believe that two working together is the most pleasurable, productive and successful route up the mountain.

Until next time!

If you are tired of pushing your way up the mountain alone, consider couples coaching or counseling for a marriage reboot. Call today to schedule your free phone consultation.


Comments are currently closed.