Call for a FREE phone consult!

1(559) 222-2442

How Emotionally Focused Therapy Can Save and Transform Your Marriage

Emotionally Focused Therapy

I will never forget the day I sat wide and teary-eyed in my Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) externship. I watched as Sue Johnson, co-founder of EFT, worked live with a couple, exposing us to the EFT process. It was like nothing I had ever seen before. None of my previous therapy training had prepared me to empathically enter the fray of emotion so common to escalated couples.

But there I was, just a year after losing my own 26-year marriage. While I needed the continuing education credit, the truth was I was in that room to make sense of my own relationship failure. I remember driving away from the training and phoning another therapist to tell him that this form of therapy might have saved my marriage.

Fast forward 10 years. I am now remarried and have become a certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist. What I have learned has transformed my second marriage as well as the majority of the relationships that come to me for help.

EFT has been proven to move 70-75% of couples from distress to recovery and help 90% make significant improvements.

It is no accident that EFT works. It is backed by 30 years of rigorous research. It works because of its focus on emotion.

Wouldn’t you agree that it is difficult to love someone if you have negative emotions? While the willpower to stay committed to a relationship is important, commitment alone will not protect or grow your relationship.

Emotionally disconnected unhappy couples eventually have problems with depression, addiction and affairs that threaten or destroy the relationship. These issue often look like the problem of one member of the couple. But these problems belong to the couple.

Most traditional couples therapies, other than EFT, focus on changing negative thoughts or behaviors about the relationship. The truth is that negative emotions are the drivers of negative thoughts and behaviors.

By repairing their hurt emotions, couples are empowered to feel secure enough to transform their relationship.

Every couple in relationship trouble has emotional injuries that they are trying to overcome. The sad thing is that what they do to protect themselves and the relationship usually makes it worse.

Few of us grew up with healthy examples of how to productively work through emotional conflict. There is no relationship that is more emotionally charged than a marriage. We feel extremely vulnerable when half of everything that we need for security is in the hands of another person.

Couples often argue about small things because they feel insecure in the relationship. Surprisingly, we are often unable to recognize and label that feeling of insecurity in our closest relationship.

Feeling unappreciated or overpowered creates conditions for conflict. The burnt toast argument has deeper roots of emotional insecurity.

Emotionally Focused Therapy helps couples repair and transform their relationship by helping them identify and express their attachment emotions.

EFT is built on the attachment theory of John Bowlby, who said that, from cradle to grave, human beings need to have a secure loving attachment bond with at least one other human being.

Most often couples argue because they feel like the loving attachment bond that they have formed with their partner is being threatened.

EFT therapists are trained to recognize and help couples both Therapy Coupleexpress and have empathy for each other’s insecure attachment emotions. This is the healing balm that makes problem-solving easy.

While a lot of therapies start with problem-solving, EFT therapists skillfully help couples focus first on healing the roots of the emotional mistrust.

When couples learn to care for and repair each other’s attachment emotions they are equipped to love for life.

What does attachment insecurity feel like to you?

Click here to find an EFT therapist in your area.






  • I blog frequently and I genuinely thank you for your information. This great article has really peaked my interest.
    I will bookmark your site and keep checking for new information about once per week.
    I opted in for your RSS feed as well.

  • Greetings! I’ve been following your weblog for some time now and
    finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout
    out from Humble Tx! Just wanted to say keep up the
    excellent job!

  • Thanks! So glad it is helpful! 🙂

  • […] Johnson, the pioneer of Emotionally Focused therapy, uses the acronym A.R.E. to describe the foundation for secure […]

  • […] scientists and Emotionally Focused Therapists will tell you that, “You are as needy as your unmet […]

  • […] therapy. There is a great deal of scientific evidence to support that most couples who receive Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy are able to escape their cycle of conflict and have long term relationship […]

  • […] couples therapist. They’ll help you learn how to deal with depression in marriage. A skilled Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist can help you talk with each other in order to escape negative cycle arguments, repair relationship […]

  • […] and Certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist in Visalia and San Luis Obispo, CA, who helps individuals and couples when healthy relationships break down. He and his wife Paula, co-authored Emotional Connection: […]

  • It has a different sort of individuals with various
    functions. In the very early morning, if you visit the closest park at your house; lots of
    people will be delighted in the Jogging. These may be hard, in the beginning, later you will certainly get utilized to them.
    Your hair, despite exactly how lovely it might be, is way much less fascinating than the
    onboard entertainment. Easy to utilize, cut the pizza in the enjoyable means
    by riding your bike across it. The means sound canceling
    works and how well it works is primary. Built
    with waterproof material, it has the intelligent sound reduction innovation that filters atmosphere sound to give you the very
    best possible noise isolation for a clear audio experience.
    My experience with active sound terminating headphones
    has not been wonderful. The noise cancellation provided by this
    earphone in passive in nature. That’s why numerous moms and dads search for the noise termination function when they want to acquire an earphone for their youngsters.
    Choosing the most effective sound terminating earbuds is taken into consideration by conveniences in ear
    cannal, ANC efficiency, audio quality, style as
    well as additional functions. The incredibly fiber silica gel that
    makes up the earbuds helps in the convenience element, as you
    can use them for hours without feeling uncomfortable.

  • I’ll have to take a look at your new article as well! However,
    I’m hopeful this text will likely be your catalyst, your key,
    to new ranges of empowerment. In addition they tend to have NRR levels of 23, providing a
    superb seal. Furthermore, the soundstage is superb.
    Popsicles had been good too, although I didn’t overdo it
    as I didn’t need to consume an excessive amount of sugar for concern of gestational diabetes.
    Unlike other parasites, the excellent news is that head lice aren’t vectors of any
    diseases, yet,their presence can be disturbing and quite annoying to
    most individuals. Compared to fleece-based mostly options CozyPhones
    sleep headphones are made from Lycra and have better
    breathability and provision of comfort in warm rooms and are additionally designed to fit a broader range of people.
    Sleeping – When you have bother sleeping, noise reduction headphones might aid you in getting some rest.
    On an airplane, for example, the low hum of engine noise is nearly utterly
    obliterated. For instance, 5-6 hours of deep peaceful sleep
    is more helpful for the human body than eight,
    even 10, hours of restless tossing and turning.

  • I don’t even know the way I stopped up right here, but I thought this publish was once great.

    I don’t realize who you might be but definitely you are going to a famous
    blogger for those who are not already. Cheers!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.