Lifetime Love: Protect & Deepen Your Love
Close your eyes for 20 seconds and reflect on the first time you laid eyes on that special person who eventually captured your heart. What are your early memories of that very significant other to whom you said I will or I do? Was it love at first sight? Did the stars and moon align to create love’s euphoria? Was your first date a comedy of errors that eventually lent itself to a committed relationship? Friends turned lovers? What’s your love story? And how will you protect and deepen it? Will yours be a lifetime love?
Claire’s Love Story:
Claire closed her eyes, drew in a deep breath and focused on memories of long ago. She recalled the magic of twelve years past. She cherished that peaceful, vivid day she had met Ben. This is Claire’s love story…
The buzz of the college quad stilled as Ben hastily made his way toward her. Claire posed against the light pole, trying to disguise her anticipation. Ben saw the concrete bench in his path—but just a split second too late. He scurried to collect his papers before they got caught by the breeze.
Claire giggled and bit her lip, watching the endearing sight play out. Ben wished he could redo his grand entrance, but no such luck! Instead, he swallowed hard, despising the taste of his pride. Quickly recovering, he bowed for effect and propelled himself toward Claire.
Breathtaking white sand beaches in the south of France…gondola cruises through the canals of Venice…and Spain, with its rich and vibrant culture. The honeymoon was all they’d hoped it would be and more. After long and full days, the newlyweds collapsed onto each other with ravenous passion. Their lovemaking felt as exotic as the countries they found themselves in. Claire adored her husband, but she had to admit that she dreaded the abrupt awakening as they catapulted back into the real world. Surreal memories would be their springboard for the next leg of their journey as husband and wife. The real world awaited, as did decisions about careers, kids, friends and family.
Claire’s smart and handsome Ben had swept her off her feet. They had embraced life, running toward everything it held for them; the perfect couple, compatible and rarely arguing. Ben and Claire had meticulously carved out their future . . . together. Partners for life! Those had been the three sweetest words of their vows.
Protect & Deepen Your Love for a Lifetime:
All couples want their marriages to succeed. Yet, most couples have little understanding about what to do to protect and deepen lifetime love. As a result, many marriages appear to succeed on the surface but gradually erode in connection until a crisis threatens to destroy the relationship.
Ben and Claire were deeply in love throughout the first years of their relationship. They had deep convictions about fidelity and commitment. Would theirs be a lifetime love? Like people you may know—and the hundreds of couples in crisis who have come to our office for therapy—Ben and Claire’s story is far too common. The couple that had it all was blindsided by betrayal.
Way too many really smart and loving people have their personal lives and careers destroyed because they don’t understand the ABC’s of making relationships loving and secure.
The truth is, and the science now supports it, a secure marriage depends on a secure emotional bond with your spouse.
Being in sync with careers, kids, faith, finances and extended family is quite an accomplishment. But that does not in itself make for a secure relationship, if we have missed the emotional connection along the way.
Emotional connection as a couple is about being available, engaged, empathetic, understanding and responsive to each other, in all things. For many, this is a new way of making decisions, dealing with conflict and doing every day life.
It’s that connection that will bond us through thick and thin. A secure emotional bond is the secret to lifelong love. And it is within your reach.
Wishing you a lifetime of love and connection!
Co-author of Emotional Connection: The Story & Science of Preventing Conflict & Creating Lifetime Love